found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
