I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
