well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
