You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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