got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
