Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's blow job season.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
