I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
