roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
