I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dear god my vagina.
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