Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
