yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
