Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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