I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am available for nakedness
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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