You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
