Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
