hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
