If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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