A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
