Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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