So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
