Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
