Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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