so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
