the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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