i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
