Christians are straight up FREAKS
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You are the jesus of drinking
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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