I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
