you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
