You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
