Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
