3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
