I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
