I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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