I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
