I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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