The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
