You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
