You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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