Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
