Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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