so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
