I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
