FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
