I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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