i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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