If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
