I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
two words: eviction party
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
