I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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