I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
