So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
