I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
