You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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