I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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