Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
