if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
