she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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