sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
