I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
